Some of them can be winners

Although, let's be honest, he is only a winner because he is kissing my ass by being confused that people don't know the difference between archaeology and paleontology. But, I'll take what I can get.

{Real Stories} Revolution

I haven't had a reader submission in awhile. I love them, send me more. The lovely who submitted this says,

"This is actually the message/manifesto that convinced me to delete my OKC profile once and for all.  Seriously, the guy is 45 (I'm 23... ew) and his name is (wait for it) REVOLUTION.  And is he looking for a girlfriend or a secretary?  Or is he just hoping to find an unpaid intern who will tolerate his unhinged behavior and also bang him?  Does he want to date me or make me cry in the office or all of the above?  People are weird.  The internet is weird.  Anyway, I highlighted the most problematic/hilarious parts."

And now for the manifesto....

How does he go from needing an intern to talking about his last few girlfriends? I also love that he found his attorney through OKC. Does he also bang her/him? Does he bang everyone he associates with? I also love that he included his Craigslist post. So thoughtful. Maybe he just looking for an innocent intern that he can help elevate, shape and mold their young mind...into becoming his sex slave. Seriously, he seems the type to have a weird sex basement in his offices.

So he is recently homeless and has crazy mood swings. He sounds like every other homeless person that I have encountered that is on a shitload of drugs. How is he suppose to help the homeless when he apparently cannot help himself? I don't think I would like to die trying for this fool. I asked my bf for his opinion on this dude. He gave a nice summary of this Creeper's life motto




Don't be a pussy. Life is all about adventure, which is easily attained by climbing into his van (hint: it's the van with the self-applied label of "free kittez" on the site). What's the worst that could happen? Nothing that lengthy criminal lawsuit, a trip to Planned Parenthood, and counseling couldn't fix. I say jump in cunt first.

Those are words to live by and also my next tattoo. 

I'm confused.....

If anybody could translate the first sentence for me it would be greatly appreciated and you will also be rewarded with an automatic Masters degree in Linguistics cause that is some bat shit crazy there.

Congrats sir.....

You were successful in what you set out to do and I will not be messaging you. And I will absolutely not be messaging you to let you know that I will not be messaging you. I have other things to do like wonder why my guinea pig hates me.

Actually I am a full grown lady, of sorts, and only recently stopped using diapers so calling me a baby is just rude

uuugghhhhhhhh

Going all Hannibal on a person is not a good way to start off, just a suggestion.

I don't know how much clearer I can make it....

This is a screen grab from my actual OKC profile

Three facts any idiot with a 1st grade reading level can pull from it: 1) I have my degree in archaeology 2) I work as an archaeologist and 3) I don't know shit about dinosaurs (seriously people look up paleontology- there is a HUGE difference). Now that we have that all figured out, on to today's messages.....

I mean, seriously, COME ON!!! I cannot break it down any easier than I have in the first two fucking sentences of my profile. I had to include his user name only because it was entirely appropriate for his idiotic message.

No,sir, I do not care to comment on the fact that birds are descendants of dinosaurs because I have already stated I don't know shit about dinosaurs (although I am pretty up to date on the whole bird dinosaur thing because of a kick ass Discovery Channel program...maybe he should watch that).