All I have to say to this is NOPE

Reader Submission: Menage a ewwww

The submitter of this message says "The guy had created a profile that was pretty clear was being used by a couple looking for a third, I guess we know that Match really checks these profiles out, right?"

"Hi,

I'm X. I am married and we are looking for a woman to go out and have fun with, explore, and see what happens. You're our type.

I am white, 39, 6'3", 200 lbs and my wife is 33, Asian, 5'4", and 110 lbs. We are both college educated, liberal, and respectful of others--we appreciate the same. We like dinners in or out, movies, concerts, walks in the park. We are very romantic and looking for the same and over the bar scene. Try something new for a change.

If you're interested in chatting let me know.

Bye."

I'm not one to judge others sexual preferences but looking for a third on Match seems like an expensive and creepy way to go. Isn't that what Craigslist is for?

If you have your own story you would like to submit email it to: okcreepers@gmail.com 

Geez

I may just be sensitive but this message irked me


What's going on?

I tried writing you on the IM they have here, but apparently it wasn't working so I guess you get a legit message now.

First of all, I feel just a little retarded writing to you on here, just because it's probably the most superficial place on earth. I mean, what else can you really say except "Your picture is really hot?" or "Your little intro/essay rocks my world?" Haha.

Having said that, I definitely think your picture is adorable and I think it might be cool to talk and maybe get to know you better. I also love that you're tall. That seems like it's really hard to find. :)

Anyway....I'm Justin, one of the few musicians in the world who actually went to college and knows how to show up for things on time. haha. A few years ago, basically out of nowhere, I realized that I could sing. I guess I sort of knew before that, but I had no idea that people would respond the way they have. Anyway, I haven't really stopped singing since. I've been lucky enough to do some national tour and all sorts of fun stuff. It's definitely my passion, I don't think I could ever be truly happy without it.

I'm originally from a small town just south of Boston, but I moved to Arizona for school and it's hard to leave a place that's sunny every day....although this time of year I really start to miss home.

Anyway, hopefully we can talk soon. I think it would be fun to get to know you.

Hope to hear from you soon,
1. IM wasn't working because I turned it off. Its annoying to be inundated with crappy IMs the moment you sign on
2. There actually is a lot you can say beside "you are hot" if you think with the head that is attached to your shoulders
3.I see tall girls EVERYWHERE
4. I'm not a musician but know quite a few people who consider themselves one (even dated a few) and I take offense to the whole condescending tone of "oh well I went to college and can tell time". No need to be a pompous jackass.
5. Also the whole I'm so sensitive and creative and music is my life is completely played out and annoying. Music can be your life but you need more than that to make a connection with everybody else who is not as obsessed. I don't care about your tours. I get why people would brag about their life stuff like this but it really does not impress me. When I first started talking to the boy through OKC he was telling me all about his cars (he's obsessed) and I flat out told him that he can't impress me with his fancy cars so don't even try. Same goes for you touring music types.
6. Can someone explain to me why people try to start hookups/dating/relationships online when they are not even in the same state to start with? Also he's in Phoenix. I've been to Phoenix. I could easily leave Phoenix no matter how much sun there is.

You know what's awkward....

when a coworker that you've only met once or twice doesn't recognize you on OKC and sends you a message

This is what the A-list provides??? I pass

This one came from an "A-list" user. I don't even know what is happening.

You again.....

For some reason lately, guys who were complete idiots that I had to "nicely" shut down and have never messaged since are messaging me again. This one can't seem to get the hint that silence means I'm not interested in any way possible. Here is the past messaging conversations we've had for your entertainment

HIM: hi. i think i message you before and never got a message back from you. no worries. ill give it another shot. im just trying to make some friends in my area. we do have a few things in common. so what brings you to a dating site, your very pretty. are you having trouble meeting people.
ME: No trouble meeting people. I made it before I moved and was bored 

HIM: Hi again,So your new to the area...and you don't like making new friends...weird. so are you looking for marriage on this site. I mean I figure if your new in the area you might wanna meet a few cool people right. 

ME: Your reading comprehension skills must be phenomenal to figure out all that hidden meaning in my oh so simple response. Let me break it down

I like making new friends

Not here for marriage

I wouldn't mind meeting a few cool people

But none of this is going to be happening through you cause you are totally creeping me out 


HIM: What. How. Where. I didn't mean to upset you....really I'm looking to make new friends...just the last 3 girls I message told that they were not looking for friends...straight out they want marriage. I just assume you did too..my bad. Misunderstanding that's all. 

HIM (13 days later): hey,umm no hard feelings. just wanna say hi. umm i was being dumb when i typed those messages huh. anyways maybe someday we can chit chat again. 

HIM (One month later): hey,you still upset with me. 

HIM (two months later): hi. i never heard back from you again. how you been. whats new with you.

I mean REALLY?!?!?!? How much internet silence does it take for someone to get a hint? It's pretty obvious to anyone reading this, except for him, that I am offended by the implication that I am only on a dating site looking to get hitched. His reasoning was obscene.

Unsolicated Relationship Update

When I started this blog my guy and I had only been seeing each other for a month. As of yesterday, we are officially at four months and I couldn't be happier. He's perfect and my heart of coal melts around him (coal doesn't actually melt...I am aware).

So by all means I am not knocking the online dating potential for finding good healthy relationships. I'm just merely mocking it

About a few weeks ago....

I got really fed up with OkCupid. I decided to switch my relationship status from single to seeing someone. Apparently its not that easy on OKC. You also have to switch your "Looking For" section to friends or else they list you as available. Confusing and unnecessary. Thanks OKC.

I didn't realize this glitch until a few days later when I realized I got a ridiculous amount of messages and saw that I was "available". That wasn't going to fly with me so I switched back to Single status since it was the easiest option. Then this happened....

Internet dating 101.

Nov. 17, 2010 – 4:44pm

Breakups suck. I'm going to try and cheer ya up with some internet commentary.

Pay attention class,

Men, If you are going to make advances on a curly-haired lady on the internet the first rule of thumb is: you can't dummy, it's the internet.

Ladies, if you are going to be a sexy 23 year old, be prepared for myriads of super lame men sending you pictures of their junk in hopes to excite you.

Men, sending pictures of your junk is about as effective as using Ben Gay to cure pinkeye.

Ladies, dudes on the internet are often fatter/smellier/worse in bed than profile pictures could ever convey.

Men, the same is true.

Hi, I'm Daniel. I'm sarcastic, fun, and a generally good person. I think you are quite a fox. That is all.
Rock on,
-Daniel 

 

 

Wink

Nov. 17, 2010 – 4:47pm You will be just fine girly, keep that head up

Those two were the only "break-up" related messages but I got tons more "Hey I'm so and so" ones right after. Literally like 7 messages in 10 minutes. So I guess if the messages are coming in slow, ladies, fake your relationship status, then go through a fake breakup and see what happens {I'm not seriously recommending this though...its just funny}

Did a bit of research....

Remember my Shortest Relationship Ever post? Well awhile back I received ANOTHER message that was almost word for word the same. I decided to confront the guy on it cause that's just the kind of upstanding citizen I am. This is the weird conversation I had

Seriously check out this forum  by the one and only pick up artist who had a VH1 show.

The problem I have with his logic is that he would have had to go out of his way to look up that pick up line and use it. I just don't buy it. I personally think he got called out and just had a story ready to go

Note for guys: Don't use this line EVER if you want a girl. Really just be yourself. You don't need to be taking advice from some dude in a fuzzy hat and guyliner called Mystery.

Its been awhile....here's a nice reunion post

I really wanted to get this thing up and running but life got in the way. It happens. However OkCupid continues on in its fine tradition of weird messages. Such as this...

I should note that I clearly state on my profile that I am in my early 20s and looking for guys at the oldest to be 30.

Hello,

You sound very nice. If you enjoy the company of smart educated upscale men I would welcome an opportunity to getting to know you {Editors Note: Doesn't that sound like he is trying to be a sugga daddy or looking for an escort? London Dupree I am not}.

I have a BS in Industrial and Mechanical Engineering and I’m also an MBA graduate.

I'm a 40/6'3"/175#, clean cut, classy, old fashioned, well dressed and trendy man, with excellent manners, and very handsome (ask my Mom), but a bad speller.

I enjoy different activities, including traveling, dancing, jogging, tennis, snow skiing, movies (at home or theater), concerts, restaurants, cooking, people watching, Sea World, Disneyland and the Zoo. I also would like to learn how to roller blade, and taking salsa classes.

I am a non smoker non drinker, and of course I don't do any drugs.

I enjoy a healthy life style, including exercising and healthy eating.

I am a divorced father of one little boy, with shared custody.

I live in San Diego.

I work for a manufacturing company as the VP of Operations. We have plants in Europe, Mexico and also in the US.

I also teach part time at a local university in San Diego in the School of Business/MBA program.

I look forward to hearing back from you.

Thanks

J

Awesome, sounds like you have your life together. Also sounds like a resume and I am not about to do a business interview.

The Shortest Relationship Ever

Cuddle Bunny    (Ed note: this was the header....why?)


 LOL. So, after coming across your profile, I just wanted to let you know that I have already married and divorced you in my mind. Thankyou for all the wonderful memories.


P.S - LOL. You can keep the house, but I need half of our money according to our pre-nup. Your ex-hubby -

So since we've already been married and divorced does that mean I don't have to talk to him ever again? That is one of the perks of an ex right?

{Real Stories} The Romance of Living Off the Grid

This lovely message comes from the first user submission (thanks!!). She wrote:

This is the message that I received a couple weeks ago. To this date, it's still the weirdest message I've received. As I usually only get ones that say "hey baby".


would you like to make a new friend? I'm working towards building a sustainable lifestyle.. where the rules are our own, and led by our heart.

I almost started crying from laughing when I read that "and led by our heart" part.


Submit your own stories!  okcreepers@gmail.com

First Lesson for Composing a Message that will Garner a Response:

Use actual words! The milliseconds it takes for you to add the letter Y and O to the letter U makes a world of difference when it comes to my first impression of you. Trust

Take this gem that I got....

hey how u doing wow u r very pretty and sound pretty chill hit me back if u would like to talk more names josh btw

Oh Josh, I'm going to ignore the fact you do not facilitate proper grammar and made 4 (?) sentences into one run on  and instead focus on the fact that you and a 12 year old girl share the same texting skills. Just a few extra letters is all it takes

Welcome!

My name is Jane. Not my real name, obviously, but who cares about that. About a month ago, I was on a dating hiatus after being with some real losers and about to move to a new city. A friend who is on some high profile online dating sites suggested that I try it out. I laughed and said I wasn't going to shill out $30 a month to turn guys down when I could it for free. Then boredom and the possibilty of a whole new dating pool got the best of me. I joined a FREE (I'm frugal) site that may or may not be similar in name to the title of this blog.

At first I was really weirded out and didn't even upload photos. It was made worst when I saw people on there that I knew. I kept the whole thing secret. Once I finally got the nerve to upload a photo the response was ridiculous. Guys and their visual creature habits....geesh. I got a bunch of messages but never responded. HOWEVER, I did end up meeting a really awesome guy that I am currently seeing. I guess these sites really do work :) Now my guy and I just sit around and talk about all of the weird/creepy/funny messages and profiles that are out there. I decided that I wanted to share these and I knew there had to be others out there in the same boat. Thus this monster was born....

I want others to share their experiences too. Here are some basic rules;

1) No user pictures or names. They may be creepy but they still deserve some sort of privacy

and thats it. I'm sure I'll think of some more rules the further along into this project we get. So ladies and gents share those creepy messages, horrible grammar and awkward profile descriptions.

okcreepers@gmail.com

-Jane

P.S I get that it takes a lot of courage to sit behind your computer screen and try to impress a complete stranger with your wit and charm but really take a lesson from these stories